Is your dog TOO friendly?
Most people want a friendly dog.
They want to take walks or hikes, have friends over, and maybe visit a patio restaurant without worrying about the dog being aggressive.
They want a dog who can join their social circle — not one they have to banish for bad behavior.
But sometimes the dog is SO friendly that it’s a bit of a problem.
He’s so fixated on other people and/or dogs that he insists on saying hello, he ignores requests for better manners, and then jumps all over the person.
Is that you?
Do you love your dog’s friendliness, but you don’t love the jumping (or the pulling to get to the jumping)?
We can do something about it!
But first, is he actually friendly?
Just because your dog appears to want to get closer to another person doesn’t mean he’s entirely comfortable about the situation.
The first thing to consider is the possibility that your dog is actually a bit insecure.
I know this doesn’t make sense: if he’s uncomfortable, why does he want to say hello?? He’s not cowering, running away with his tail tucked, or resorting to aggression, so he’s fine, right??
Not necessarily.
It starts to make more sense when you understand that Flight and Fight aren’t the only possible responses to stress.
Freeze, Fidget and Fawn are the lesser known siblings and Fawn is the one that often gets mistaken for friendliness.
Fawning is when the dog uses appeasement to avoid conflict: the dog is dealing with an uncomfortable situation by using an over-the-top display of “kiss up” behavior.
It’s like the dog is saying, “I’m a worm! I’m a worm! I’m not a threat…no need to hurt me.”
Is that the same thing as “friendliness”? I guess maybe? But it’s not the same thing as being socially comfortable and confident.
So is my dog friendly or fawning?
Consider these three questions:
How intense is he? How hard is your dog trying to get to the other person?
Can your dog focus on something else? Something like a food-stuffed toy, a treat from your hand, or a consumable chew (like a bully stick)? How hard do you have to work to get your dog to focus on that thing?
How long does it take your dog to return to “normal”? Does he stay worked up the entire time he’s around the person, or does he “let it go” after a few minutes?
Your dog might be Fawning if he is very persistent about getting to the person, has a very hard time focusing on something else, and can’t relax around the person.
Still unsure?
It’s okay!
Whether your dog’s unruly manners are because he’s truly overly-friendly or actually Fawning, the first steps of your training plan are the same!
Step #1: Suspend Optional Greetings
Suspending optional greetings is an important part of teaching your dog to listen instead of lose it when he sees someone.
Underlying emotions aside, if you don’t like how your dog is greeting people, the first step is to temporarily pause optional greetings.
This may feel like zapping all your dog’s fun, but it’s the fastest way to create better habits. Trust me.
If he keeps losing it when he sees people, he’s going to keep losing it when he sees people. We’ve got to break that old cycle to create something new.
And remember, if you suspect your dog is actually Fawning, temporarily suspending greetings can relieve a lot of stress for him!
Step #2: Teach a Different Default Behavior
Once you’ve suspended optional greetings, the next step is to change the default behavior.
Right now, other people automatically trigger your dog to fixate and ignore you. That’s the default behavior. I like to use a technique called Engage/Disengage to change that.
Engage/Disengage teaches your dog that other people are actually a cue to look at you instead of lose it.
Click here to watch me do it with a young puppy at Lowe’s.
Step #3: Reintroduce Greetings…Maybe.
Once other people consistently make your dog pay attention to you, you can consider reintroducing optional greetings.
When it comes time, make these highly structured and brief to ensure your dog stays comfortable and successful. Saying hello with a quick hand Touch to the stranger can be a good compromise for everyone.
But remember, your dog doesn’t have to meet strangers. If it makes him that anxious, he may actually have a better quality of life not meeting strangers.
Need more help?
Koinonia’s in-home dog training programs can help your overly friendly dog have better manners!
Meet the Dog Trainer and Blog Author
Leighann Hurley founded Koinonia Dogs in 2014 and has been a Certified Professional Dog Trainer in the Austin,TX area since 2019.
She's a problem-solver by nature and loves creating cooperation through conflict-free communication so both ends of the leash enjoy an easier life together.
